Starting most things with a small, simple step is usually interwoven into the fabric of begining something new and challenging. Going to college--you have to fill out applications, research online, visit campuses. Starting an exercise routine--you can go big, but you will wind up sore or injured. Physiology puts the kibosh on you rushing toward the end of your fitness goals. There are stops or checks at every point along the way to keep you on track and continually making slow and steady progress, unless you stop altogether or don't know where to begin.
Lately...I don't know where to begin because I'm not sure I know where I want to go. I have always had plans. Big. Small. A, B and C. Fool-proof. Back-up. All sorts of plans for all facets of my life. I've learned, thank you my wonderful children, that the best laid plans are laughable, but that's why I have always thought everything out and counted on every angle so there aren't too many surprises. When life throws me the inevitable curve ball, I give myself 48 hours to assess the situation and then start planning and acting.
Since the start of 2012, I've been floating. I don't know how else to describe it. I don't know where I'm going next. I don't have a plan. I'm not giving my all in any area of my life. I don't know where I want to be or what I want to be doing and I certainly don't know where to start. It's so frustrating to me.
I spoke to a friend today and she was so excited for me. A new beginning. The unknown. Mediate on it. Just go where life takes me. I embrace her advice, but she's a bit granola. She's very laissez-faire and I'm very OCD. But I heed her advice. She is right.
I need to loosen my grip and let go of the reins. Not everything needs a plan. Not everything needs to be known or counted on. Maybe by 2013!
“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity.” ~ Gilda Radner
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