I was talking with a friend the other day about positive reinforcement when it comes to my kids. I have been getting away from it lately because my oldest has been such a handful. In talking with her, I realized I needed to take a step back and compliment what he was doing right instead of constantly harping on his mischievous and bad behaviors.
The conversation went on and she asked me if I positively reinforce myself. I said of course....wine, chocolate, shopping! Oh, she meant through my words. I replied "of course not." She told me that Lady Gaga muses for five minutes a day (though apparently she was instructed to do 15 minutes a day) on positive self-talk. I was surprised that someone who is at the top of their game and wildly successful need such a technique. Even if you can't stand Lady Gaga, her confidence and character are something to be admired.
I started thinking, how could I start doing this for myself? Though on the outside, I may seem content and confident and ready for anything, inside, I'm still a teenager afraid of being accepted. A little girl who wants to be chosen first, not last. A worker who makes mistakes. A mother and wife who speculates every day if I'm doing right by my family. A person who wonders all the time how I can be better.
As it turns out, I am my own worst enemy. I look for validation from those around me and rarely get what I'm looking for. So instead of looking outside, I've decided to look in. What can I tell myself daily, even for five minutes, that would enable me to let go of a little of the "failure" and settle on the "good enough"?
I challenge you to take five minutes next time you are alone (in the car, sitting in traffic, drying your hair) and tell yourself:
I am pretty
I am smart
I am a good mom/wife/friend
I don't need to keep up with the Jones'
I am my own person
I am capable....
You see where this is going. You know how you feel after a complement from a colleague or family member, how do you feel when it comes from you? From the one person who has to live with you 24 hours a day, seven days a week?
Can't find the time everyday to check in with yourself? Write yourself a note, such as "you're great!" and put it somewhere and forget about it. When you find it, weeks or months later, like that $20 in your skinny jeans, you will smile and be reminded that yeah, you are pretty damn great!
~ Kel
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