One of the first things my husband said to me when he started teaching me how to be a bartender was that it’s always important – no matter what – to listen to the customer. At first I thought he meant to listen to what they wanted to drink but I quickly realized that wasn’t what he meant at all.
Bartender (bär ‘ tĕn ‘ dər): n. One who serves alcoholic drinks from behind a bar. NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH: kindergarten teacher, matchmaker or psychologist!
Keep in mind, the stories below all just took place in the few hours that I worked at the bar last night!
Kindergarten Teacher: One of our regulars (who we refer to as One-eyed Willie) comes in almost every day. He’s a very nice guy with a regular job and family but, he definitely has his quirks. For example, one of the things that drives all of us crazy (not just staff but other customers) is that his inside voice is louder than most people’s outside voice. When he drinks you can expect one of two things to happen. 1. He’s going to get louder and start playing terrible music on the juke box which he will sing to or, 2. he’s going to fall asleep at the bar. Yes, you read that correctly, he will fall asleep at the bar. Either way, he forces me to play the role of a kindergarten teacher. I’m either asking him nicely to please quiet down a little bit and use his “inside voice” or I’m telling him that we don’t have “nap time” at the bar and he needs to walk home. The most difficult part about it is that it all has to be done with a big smile on my face. Last night he decided it was nap time.
Matchmaker: Another regular, who I liked to call George (even though that’s not his name,) is a super cute guy in his 30s. He works across the street at the barber shop and he’s literally one of the funniest guys ever. Last night his phone was blowing up and it was literally to the point of annoying. I asked him what was up and he proceeded to tell me that he had not one, but two “stage five cling-ons.” Never a good situation to be in. George then proceeded to nag me for the next few hours about setting him up with one of my “normal, hot” friends. Really? You’re a good looking guy who has zero issues getting women to go out on dates and you and you’re going to sit here and bug me about setting you up. I wanted to say “deal with the cling-ons first and then we’ll talk.” But rather than doing that, I just smiled and let him go on and on and on.
Psychologist: Now this story doesn’t even have to deal with one of our regulars but with one of my bartenders. She messed up and was over an hour late for work which basically meant our manager had to get the bar opened for her. Needless-to-say, he was not thrilled as it really messed up the rest of his day. He and I talked and we determined that she needed to lose at least one shift for messing up. By 6 p.m., and hour before I needed to be in there, she was calling me sobbing. So I went down early to talk to her and to try and calm her down so she could finish out her shift. I’m always the person the staff runs to when they get in trouble for something.
After an extremely long day, I finally got to come home to my hubby who has Wednesday’s basically off (until he has to close the bar at 2 a.m.). He did a few loads of laundry for me and had dinner waiting for me when I got home. I gave him the rundown of the day’s events and we talked, figured some things out and laughed our asses off! Thank goodness my husband and I finally figured out teamwork!
Now, as I get ready to go and spend a full day down at the bar, I wonder what hat(s) I’ll be forced to put on…I’m sure it’s going to be an interesting day!
My beer of the week…Smutty Nose Pumpkin Ale. Read more about it on my beer blog at www.yourbeerremedy.blogspot.com.
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