So I’m back
from the fabulous land of Las Vegas and it was…AWESOME! Everything went perfectly. The trade show went off with a hitch, the
weather couldn’t have been more superb and the people I traveled with were a
blast! And for the first time in a long
time (on a business trip to Vegas), I had a significant amount of down time and
let me tell you…I took full advantage of it.
I even spent six hours poolside one day and that never happens. At night we went out and enjoyed all of the fun
that Vegas has to offer and of course, we gambled. We gambled a lot!
There was
only one bad part to the whole trip…
Saturday I
woke up bright and early as I had to be at the airport at 9:30 a.m. and it was
a rough wake-up. I had a wicked hang
over (to be expected in sin city) but it’s not like I haven’t been hung over
and flying before. You just get a
cocktail on the plane and power through.
Except that everything else about the ride was TERRIBLE! I had a four hour flight from Vegas to
Charlotte. I had the aisle seat and next
to me in the middle seat was an older woman who was slightly larger. Not obese but big enough where we couldn’t
put the arm rest down in between us, so I felt like she was invading my space
the entire time. Across the aisle from
me was this guy…oh my! He was probably
in his early 40s and was wearing black skinny jeans with paint all over them,
work boats and a Metallica t-shirt with the arms really cut out. He had this weird ‘70s hairstyle and he wore
the most ridiculous sunglasses the entire time.
What made him terrible to sit next too was that it was only his second
plane ride and he had absolutely nothing to do to occupy his time for four
hours. So what did he do instead? He asked me and everyone else that walked
passed – flight attendant, passenger – for the time. Do you have any idea how long that makes a
four hour plane ride? After the sixth
time he asked me, I handed him one of my rag mags and told him that he was
making the flight longer by needing to know the time every five minutes! But wait…it gets worse. About two hours out from Charlotte, we hit a
lot of turbulence and it was bad. Being
that I was very hung over, I became quite aware of where my puke bag was. But being pukey wasn’t what was worse. The woman next to me, the larger one, started
to get sick and she burped and farted for the last two hours, excusing herself
every time. I wanted to DIE! I couldn’t get off the flight fast enough.
Finally…I’m
in Charlotte. I hall ass to my
connecting flight only to get there and find out that there was mechanical
issues with our plane and we have to move to another gate. The new gate was exactly where I just came
from. On the way back to that gate, I’m
on the people mover and I’m walking and moving.
There’s an older gentleman directly ahead of me (late 50s early 60s)
wearing shorts.
This is
where it’s going to blow your mind…
He starts
shitting his pants right on the people mover directly in front of me!!!!
Let that sink
in for a minute.
Again, he
starts shitting his pants right in front of me.
I’m wearing flip-flops and almost flip-flopped directly into it. The smell made the woman’s farts on the plane
smell like roses. I mean, this man was
sick. His poo smelled worse than a
babies diarrhea. Needless-to-say, the
guy tries to hurry but once on the people mover, you can’t get off. The poo was running down his leg. It took everything in me not to vomit
(remember…hung over). Are you still
processing this part of the story? Let
me say it one more time…he pooped his shorts on the people mover in the middle
of the Charlotte airport!!!!
Finally, I
get to the new gate and although the flight was delayed over an hour, we got to
board and…wait for it…wait for it…the crazy time guy was sitting directly
behind me! I should have known by the
way he was dressed that he was heading to Pittsburgh. I mean where else in the world could one
dress like that and get away with it?
Only in the ‘burgh!
By the time
I got home at 1 a.m. I was beat and so glad to be home!
One more time…he shit his pants on the people
mover in the Charlotte airport!
